For a few months now I've really been wrestling through the purpose of this blog and why I choose to post the things that I do. At the beginning I desired this to be a place where I shared what I was learning, what was going on in our lives and hopefully some encouragement for those who choose to read. I felt as though this blog wasn't living up to it's purpose, and in a sense I got a little distracted. So, I have taken a little break from writing and was trying to figure out if this is something I should continue, and if it has a purpose. I really feel like I want this space to be a place where I share about my journey as a Mother, a Wife and as a Christian. A place where others can be encouraged and hopefully somewhere where people feel they can share their thoughts as well. I really do love writing, and I love seeing how this blog has connected me to so many people that I don't get to see on a regular basis.

With that being said, i've realized just how hard it is to maintain a hobby while a) being a full time mom to a toddler and b) being in the second trimester of pregnancy. Hello pregnancy brain and a tired momma! Confession: that first paragraph took me two days to write! And as I sit here all I can here is a tired little boy talking to himself as he fights his afternoon nap. Oh, nap, that's something I should do too. Anyways, all distractions aside, I really feel urged to continue on with this blog and would really appreciate feedback on the things I post! I would love to learn from other Moms, Wives and Believers too! As much as social media can be distracting and negative, i've learned that it can also be a very encouraging and uplifting tool if it's used in the right way!

God has really been teaching and convicting me lately on the topic of prayer. Specifically the role that prayer plays in my calling to be a Mother. It's been an interesting journey as we make our way through different trials, lessons and sleep deprivation. I've come to realize it's necessity in my life, often a life line itself to my day. As I'm sure most of you know, this whole being a parent thing and growing up…is hard. There's seasons of change and growth and along with that comes lessons that we often have to learn the hard way. We've entered toddler hood, which means discipline, whininess, teething, the growth of personality, stubbornness, and a whole lot of good things too. But as I entered this new season i've realized that I really can't do this on my own. In my own flesh, i'm a bad mom. I'm a selfish mom. I lack wisdom, patience, and direction. I need help. Daily, I need to be poured into by the Holy Spirit to help me be the mother that God has called me to be. I need Christ's patience, love and wisdom to become mine. I need direction when i'm at my whits end with a toddler who won't listen. I love my job, but in and of myself I just can't do it.

Prayer has become a vital part of my parenting. Praying for my child, for our family and for me. What God has been teaching me the most lately though, is just how important praying for your children is. I've always prayed for Canaan, but they've always been very simple, repetitive, not specific type of prayers. A part from praying for my son's salvation, which I believe to be of utmost importance, I realized that God cares about the little things too. He cares about the discipline struggles, the problem we've been having with early morning wake up calls, the teething pain, etc. He desires me to come before Him for every little thing, to ask for wisdom, direction and in a lot of cases for answers and solutions. If I can't pray about the little things now, the little things that will one day shape who my son becomes, how will I pray when big situations show their face? If I can't learn to petition on behalf of my son now, I don't think I ever will.

I've been reading a book called Set-a-part Motherhood by Leslie Ludy. I use that term reading lightly, I think i'm on chapter 6 and i've almost had the book for a year. Anyways, there is a chapter on this very specific topic: becoming a praying mom. She puts it very bluntly that prayer shouldn't be an after thought; it should be the very bedrock of our parenting. And I couldn't agree more.

"As mom's we are so eager for practical solutions to the every day challenges we face with our children  that we can forget about our biggest, most powerful parenting weapon: prayer. Prayer shouldn't be an afterthought; it should be the bedrock of our child rearing. Anything practical we do should be an outflow of our faithful, diligent prayers for each detail of our children's lives." - Set a Part Motherhood

Obviously the act of prayer in our relationship with God is not just necessary as a parent, but in everyday life no matter what stage your at. I've heard it said that our prayer life needs to be like breathing. Something we do effortlessly and naturally. It's an outpouring part of our relationship with Christ. It's constant communication with our Saviour. So, how is your prayer life? Is it something you value and set time aside for? Is it like breathing, where you just naturally find yourself in conversation with God throughout your day? Are there areas where you need to grow?

I see it as a tremendous privilege to be able to storm the gates of Heaven on behalf of my children. To wrestle in prayer for their well being, their salvation and their character. It's not something i've mastered yet, and I doubt I ever will, but I won't let that stop me. I challenge you Mothers, pray for your kids. No REALLY pray for your kids.

"Our goal in parenting is not ultimately for our kids to get a great education or to be great athletes or to find a great husband or get a great career. Our goal is for them to love a great God."- David Platt

Surprise!

I am absolutely thrilled to share some very exciting news with you all. This Fall we found out that we are expecting again! Baby Bergen number three is expected to arrive at the beginning of June! We are so excited, and can't wait to meet this little one!

I've been wanting to write this post for a while now, but between chasing a busy toddler around and napping when he does, I haven't found much time to sit down at the computer! This pregnancy is just flying by! 

It's been an interesting process between excitement, fear, worry and more excitement. After what happened last time we decided that we wouldn't plan anything this time, but just let God take care of the timing. When we found out we were pregnant I was ecstatic, but also very full of worry. Every pain, or weird feeling left me defeated and terrified. I really felt that if it was to end the same way the last pregnancy did, I wouldn't survive. Loss is hard, and I didn't want to walk that path again.

With every child, during pregnancy, I start a journal for them. I write down how i've been feeling, the growth and development they've been seeing each week, prayers for them and whats going on in the world at that moment. One morning I was writing to this new baby that had taken up residence inside me and as I poured out my heart and my fears to this little one (and to God) it suddenly dawned on me: We lost Bergen Baby number two on the very first day of June, and this baby is expected to arrive within the first few weeks of June. A month that I always thought would now be a difficult one to see, all of a sudden became a month of hope. A month that we awaited with eager expectation and joy. From brokenness and loss, all of sudden their was beauty. I cried as I felt God was very clearly saying to me: "I care about you Rebekah. I cared about that little one you lost. And I care about the new life that's growing inside of you."

God took something difficult and ugly, and made it radiant. From death he brought life. Just like he did for me and you when he died on the Cross and took our punishment. He took us from the death we lived in Sin and made us beautiful and alive in Him. This baby has been such a picture of Salvation, grace and mercy to me. He makes beautiful things.

It's still a difficult road sometimes, and somedays I still really struggle with the fear of the unknown and the possibility that we might not get to raise this child either. But God has been so good, and has proven to me time and time again (not that he had too) just how trustworthy He is.

Life is hard. We all walk difficult paths. But, God uses those difficult things in our lives to make something beautiful. Be encouraged today, know that what's going on in your life is for a purpose, and that in the end it will be beautiful.

Ecclesiastes 3:11a  "He has made everything beautiful in it's time.."

Right now were 17 weeks along! At 13 weeks we had our first Doctors appointment and got to hear this little ones heart beat! It was the most beautiful sound! I wasn't expecting to hear anything, with Canaan they couldn't find it this early. It was such a welcome surprise! Today, we had our second appointment and once again got to hear this little ones heart beat, nice and strong at 152 beats a minute! We're hoping my for our first ultrasound within the next few weeks, and maybe, just maybe we will find out the gender this time ;) So far, everything seems to be going well. If you think about us, pray for this baby and that everything would continue to go well. 

We're excited to meet this little one, right on time for a busy summer! ;)

The Grant Family

This October I got the chance to take some family pictures for the Grant family! It was such a fun opportunity and I really enjoyed the challenge! We were really hoping for some beautiful fall colours, and even though almost all the trees had already shed their beautiful leaves we managed to find a few that still had some brightly coloured leaves! We got to know the Grants through working at camp. Two summers in a  row now they've given up their summer vacation to come and serve at camp, this year doing it as a family. It's so wonderful to see people willing to serve, and this family is very willing to that!

It feels a little weird looking at these pictures and seeing the beautiful colours, then looking outside and seeing the snow falling. I'm a little behind ;) Here are some of my favourites from the shoot:

Happy Thanksgiving! We had a very relaxing, low key weekend. Spent time with family, some friends and most importantly one another. On Saturday we headed out to Meandher Creek Farms, its a pumpkin patch (sort of) with lots of neat activities for families and children. We saw lots of farm animals, played on pumpkins and in the hay fort, ate some yummy fall deserts and enjoyed the beautiful weather! It was busy there, but we will definitely be going back next year! It's quite the drive from where we live, but I highly recommend it!

We have so much to be thankful for, and even though it's cliche and its usually what everyone says, i'm very thankful for my family. I never want to take the time we get to spend together for granted. I'm thankful for God's mercy and grace and that he doesn't give up one me. I'm thankful for the ability to move and breathe and that we have a roof over our heads and food in our tummy's. And, i'm thankful for long weekends :)

"That will never happen to me"- we've all said it. We all believe it. And maybe that one thing you never thought would happen, hasn't happened. For me, it happened. 

Apparently it's infant loss month, something I never thought would affect me. It has, and it does. The farther I get from that sunny day in June that we said goodbye to our second child, the harder it's gets. 

Every month when we come to the realization that we're not pregnant, again, the harder it gets. The more real the loss becomes. The more I realize that we lost a person. A real, live, human being. My child. Our child. 

I thought it would get easier, but time moves on and I find it harder. There's a hole in my heart, a gap that's been left by a tiny little person that I'll never get to meet on this side of heaven.

No, I don't need a month to remember. I'll always remember. I'll always wonder who they would of been, who they would of become. 

But in the midst of waiting, trusting, even hurting, I have hope. We have hope. 

A hope that doesn't disappoint. Ever. 

Bergen Family Road Trip Part:2

As promised, here's some pictures of the sightseeing we did! We didn't do much, but what we did do, I really enjoyed! It's so fun doing things like this as a family, I really enjoy the day where Canaan gets just as excited as we do about seeing things :) One lesson I learned, wear running shoes! I had them in the car when we were at Niagara Falls but forget to put them on- ouch! It made an already long day, even longer!

The Welland Locks:

We were on our way to Niagara Falls and accidentally came upon this place. We were so glad we did! It's one of 7 locks where huge ships full of grain and other things that are in transport have to go through. We just so happened to get there when a ship was in, which was apparently not very common for those people just passing through. It takes 7 minutes for it to fill up and 7 minutes for it to drain (I think haha) The ship was massive and Canaan loved watching it!

 Niagara on the Lake:

This is one of my all time favourite spots! I think it's mostly because of all the memories I have of visiting here whenever family from Northern Ireland would visit. I have very fond memories of sitting on a bench with my Granda Spence waiting on all of the other as they were shopping. It's pretty much a ritzy town just outside of Niagara Falls. It's surrounded by vineyards and wineries, beautiful landscape and huge houses. The town is built around tourism, with a street full of little shops. Canaan had fallen asleep on our way there and managed to stay asleep as we transferred him to the Ergo and walked around the town. It was SO hot, so Michael and Canaan were just sweating by the time got to our car. But we managed to enjoy ourselves, window shopping and enjoying a cold brew coffee and some ice cream to help us cool off.

 This was the prettiest Starbucks I had ever seen.

 I'm also tempted to say that this was the best ice cream I have ever had.

Niagara Falls:

We did a lot of walking this day. By the end of it I was so done, but we had so much fun. The falls were absolutely beautiful, and it wasn't very busy. We have this knack for doing things like this in the off season, which has almost always worked in our favour. We did the Maid of the Midst, which is called something different now but I don't remember what. Michael and I had both done it before, but I was very young and didn't remember. It's crazy how small the falls seem when your down there. It was beautiful, and wet. I only had my glasses with me and the closer we got, the less I could see. Contacts would of been a good idea. I also ended up looking like wet raccoon by the end it, but oh well. Canaan enjoyed it, but spent most of his time people watching. He's such a nosey boy :)

St Jacobs:

I was rather disappointed in this place! I had been there many times as a kid, and it was always so much fun. It's gotten very commercialized and isn't very "mennonite" anymore. I only say two horse and buggies, last time I was there, that's almost all you saw! We didn't spend very much time there, I could of walked around all day- but that's ok! We had some really good Apple Donuts, which made my disappointment in the place better :)

The way home:

On the way home we stayed in Minneapolis for two nights. It was so good to spend the last part of our holiday with just us. It's time together that I often take for granted. We went to church on Sunday, which was good but also stressful. I'm no longer a big church person, give me my small country church any day! And it just so happened that Canaan was the ONLY little kid in the whole service, and he was loud! But we pushed through, and ended up meeting a really nice couple who were attending seminary there. It's encouraging to know that almost anywhere we go we are able to find the church and be surrounded by the body of Christ. We did the mall of America, which I would do completely different next time. We were tired, and weren't in the shopping mood. We were there for four hours but didn't see much. We will be back! We swan in the hotel pool a lot, and had a wonderful meal at Famous Daves! We had been pretty disappointed in the customer service we had received at every restaurant in the States thus far, and were treated so good here! He kept bringing us food at no charge for Canaan, sent us home with extras and gave us the military discount. We will definitely be back there too!

Iphone Photos: