Number 2: Fears

Today's question is: What are three legitimate fears you have, and how did they become fears?

 

I feel as though this topic has graced us with its presence many time before on this blog, but that's okay..!

1. Fear number one is death.

I have grown and learned so much about this fear in the past few months though! God has been teaching me so much! I fear the death of those close to me, the ones I love most. I fear the way I will die, not so much the act of actually dying. Although, I do fear dying "early" and not doing the things I want to the most, like having children. But, like I said God has been teaching me so much about this fear. Because of Him death has lost its sting! Because of Him I don't need to fear death, because what awaits me on the other side is so much better then the life I have here! And as far as losing the ones I love, for those who know Christ I know where there going! I can know without a doubt that they are in a better place and that they are basking in the Glory of their Savior, and there is not other place I would rather them to be!

I haven't defeated this fear yet-but God is faithful! Because of him I can daily conquer! 

2. Fear number two is rejection.

I realize all these fears are pretty deep. I don't know if i'm really scared of menial things, or maybe i'm just in a deep thinking mood right now. 

I'm scared of being rejected. Not accepted for who I am, and not having people like me. I know this fear started at such a young age. Little girls can be so mean. I can be intimidated very easily by other people, and I know that my fear of rejection stops me more often than not from being my self and really letting people see the real me. It also stops me from getting to know other people. I realize that this is a fear that doesn't really show itself very often. I forget that that it's something I struggle with, it kind of hides in the shadows so to speak. The fear of not being good enough, in relationships with friends, relationships with boyfriends, and the reality of what it feels like to be let go. But God never rejects me. No I'm not good enough for him, but he still chooses to love me and forgive me. When I dwell on that- I am blessed. 

3.Fear number three is self confidence.

I don't know if that really classifies as a fear, but none the less it's something I struggle with. In a world of ideals, it's hard to measure up. This fear is also something i've grown a lot in and learned so much about! My husband has been a fantastic help in this regard. Not only assuring me that I am beautiful, but also upholding me in prayer, and reminding me often that my thinking is wrong and not helpful.This is also a fear that doesn't show up very often, and I can be struggling with it for a long time before i realize what's wrong. I know i'm not the only one who struggles with this, but sometimes it feels like I am. 

Once again though, God is faithful and continues to show me where my self worth should only come from who I am in him. 

And that's what i'm scared of. 

Number 1

So a while ago a friend of mine challenged me with something she had read on one of her friends blogs. 30 questions that help you get to know me better and help me get my creative juices flowing-and get better at writing!
So that is what I'm going to do. I am going to try my hardest to not just give you easy answers-but to really search my heart and show you who I really am!

Today's question is: 20 things about yourself that not everyone would know.
Here I go!

1. I'm British. Born in Northern Ireland in 1990 and moved to Canada in 1993 I think? Don't quote me on that-I always get the age I moved to Canada wrong!

2. Because of my birthplace-that makes me not a Canadian citizen! Yep, I'm an alien :) Actually, I'm just a permanent resident of Canada-which isn't that exciting. Although, one day I do plan on becoming a Canadian citizen-so look out Canada!

3. I was born two months before I was supposed to-making me a premature baby-nearly killing myself and my mother. But God is good-and he kept us both Alive,a miracle for sure!

4. I blame it on being premature-but I have the weakest wrists. It's actually kind of sad-it's inevitable I think that I will have Carple tunnel one day! Ha!

5. Brushing my teeth makes my nose itchy! Every single time-it's annoying and actually makes me despise brushing my teeth sometimes!

6. This might be gross but brushing my teeth also makes me gag-every single time. Lets just say I love having clean teeth-but it's a chore!

7. I have smelly feet. That was hard to admit. It genetic-I blame my mother ;)

8. I love Jesus. He saved me at the ripe age of 4 and since that day I've never looked back. I know some people don't understand how you can "become a Christian" at such a young age-but there's no doubt in my mind I knew what I was doing. Faith like a child is something not to be looked down upon! All of us need to have such faith!

9. I really don't like green peppers or uncooked onions.

10. I ditest ketchup. I just don't understand how people can love that stuff so much. But everyone's taste buds are different-I just really don't like it! Except on hot dogs-for hot dogs I'm willing to make an exception.

11. To many people I'm a disorganized person-but my disorganizedness makes sense to me!

12. I'm horrible at math. Like I don't know my times tables horrible at math. My brain just doesn't work this way! I'm so glad I married a smart man :)

13. I have the best husband. You can all disagree- but that doesn't matter I still win ;) He's my best friend, and other than God probably the only person who knows me inside and out. He makes me laugh-there's never a dull moment in our relationship. I love him with my whole heart!

14. If I was to choose only one junk food this world should keep-it be chips. I like chips. I don't eat them often-but there a treat and I enjoy them! Well and popcorn- but that's not junk food to me ( haha)

15. I have become an introvert. After spending three years in the dorm life it's hard not to be! I entered bible school as an extrovert-but man now I need my time away from people! If you were to ask me what my ideal night would be- I'd say a night at home! I'm boring, but I need it every once in a while!

16. I enjoy reading. Let me rephrase that- I enjoy reading for pleasure. There's nothing like a good book!

17. I love trees. Living in BC for such a long time, it's hard not to! Living in the prairies really made me appreciate them! Now living in Manitoba- in the "hills" I am blessed! There is no mountains but there are rolling hills and a copious amount of trees for me to enjoy every day! I'm blessed.

18. I secretly (not so secret anymore) wish I had an amazing voice! I love signing and worshiping The Lord- and sometimes I wish I could just belt it out and sound wonderful! But oh well, any worship we make to God is a joyful noise right?!

19. I enjoy tea. I blame my British roots! I do love a good cup of coffee now and then- but nothing beats a good cup tea in my opinion!

20. The only good thing about me is Jesus. Without him-I'm nothing. Without him I'm dead. He is my Savior, the giver of life! Because of him I now have life, eternal life. My sins have been forgiven because of his death on the cross. He has paid my debt in full. In him I am complete-I am Holy and I have the hope of life after death. This world is not my home! I am going to such a greater place. I believe in heaven-and I believe in hell. I believe there is no gospel without his death-and I believe without the gospel life isn't worth living. Do you know this wonderful savior? Do you know where your going when you die? What gives you hope today in your life? Think about it...

And that's me in a nut shell :)

Truth

I have found in these past few days, so much joy and peace from the truth that is God's word.

I just thought I would share with you all some verses that have been helping me daily to keep on going despite life's set backs!

BE

still

AND

know.

Ps. 46:20

" I waited paitently for the LORD; 

he turned to me and heard my cry.

He lifted me out of the slimy pit, 

out of the mud and mire;

He set my feet on a rock 

and gave me a firm place to stand.

He put a new song in my mouth,

a hymn of praise to our God.

Many will see and fear,

and put their trust in the LORD."

Ps. 40:1-3

God is our refuge and strength.

An ever present help in trouble.

Therefore, we will NOT fear,

though the earth gives way 

and the mountains fall into the sea,

though its waters roar and foam,

and the mountains quake with their surging...

The Lord almighty is with us!

The God of Jacob is our fortress!

Be STILL and KNOW that I am God.

PS. 46:1-3,7,10

In every circumstance, the word of God has something to say! I am amazed daily at how I am spiritually fed through this wonderful book! 

Now for some random pictures of things that have been making me smile lately:

 The view from our front porch continually blows my mind. 

This was one foggy, cold Sunday a few weeks ago.

The hor frost was amazing, if you look close enough you can see 

MacGregor in the distance!

 I love having flowers on our kitchen table.

This is a dried bunch of babies breath,

even though its dead it still brightens up the room!

Almost every morning when the sky isn't cloudy,

I get to see this from office desk! 

The beauty of the sunrises always 

takes my breath away! 

And last but deffinitly not least! 

My hunky, adorable, loving husband!

He has been so good to me these last few weeks 

that I haven't been feeling well.

I am SO blessed. 

I love him.

Seasons

"All of my life, in every season you are still God, I have a reason to live- I have a reason to worship" -the desert song by Hillsong

These words have really meant a lot to me in the past few days. I have heard this specific song before, and I had listened to the words but they never affected me the way the do now.
Life is full of the unknown, it's full of seasons. Seasons of joy, and seasons of sorrow. Like Ecclesiastes says : "There is a time for everything."
I haven't gone through anything huge quite yet in my life, but sometimes even the little things and other people's lives affect you. I've been feeling sick for quite a while now, and the unknown is sometimes just enough to drive me insane. I've always been a worrier, so that in itself doesn't make things any better! It's also that I have to place my life into other people's hands, my husband, doctors, nurses- people that are human! And sometimes that's hard! Okay, it's almost always hard!

A verse that has always meant so much to me, but up until now don't think I've fully understood is Pslam 46:10 "Be still and know that I am God!"
This verse and that song I mentioned earlier have really put things into perspective for me.
I know who God is, I know what he's done for me, I know that he is all powerful, all knowing, in control, compassionate, loving, that he hates sin, and that he delights to see people come to know him. I know that he is trustworthy, that he holds all my days in the palm of his hand.
In all of life's mountains and valleys that I go through, or you go through, God stays the same. He never changes, he is the same yesterday, today and forever! Even when life hurts- he is still GOD. And all I have to do is know that.
When I'm faced with unknown circumstances-all I need to know is that God is God- he is control.
And because God is who he is everyday, everyday I have a reason to live: HIM. And I have a reason to worship: HIM.

Yes, life is hard and sometimes in a Worldly perspective unfair- but let's not forget that this world is not our home and that we have something so much greater to look forward to.

Love Day

This valentines day was wonderful.
I did think that it might be hard to beat last year's valentines day, when my beloved proposed to me. :)
We decided on a quiet night in at home. By the time we would both get home from work, get ready and head out the door the evening would have been very rushed and hectic; that's not what we wanted!

We stayed in, lit some candles and made Indian food! It was so yummy! Then, we let our creativity out and made a fort! It was fun, I felt like a kid again. We ate brownies, played some games and just enjoyed each others company.

I love spending time with my husband. He's the only one who can make me laugh the way he does! He's my best friend, life is just so wonderful with him by my side. And he is so good at making things; he made me a beautiful picture frame! I have a talented man :) oh and not to mention the cute handmade card and beautiful flowers he bought me.

I am blessed with such an amazing husband. I thank God daily for the man He chose for me. Only God could of matched us the way He did! Thank you Jesus!

Here's some pictures of our fun filled love day!

Fellowship

This weekend was wonderful!
It was the annual Millar Missions Conference, so Michael and I made the trek out to Saskatchewan for the weekend! Man, I missed that place!

Not only were we there to learn about the need of world missions, to worship as a believers together in unity, but also fellowship with our brothers and sisters in Christ! This weekend I was just so blessed by the amazing friendships thy Christ has placed in my life. After not seeing each other for 5 months, we can still get together and share our hearts with one another just like we had never left!

I thank God for friends, for people who you can laugh with, cry with, suffer with and pray alongside. I am blessed by those who are close to me! I love the people that God has placed in my life, and continue to look forward to the times where we will see each other once again!

Fear.

We all have fears.

But are they healthy fears? Fear is one of those things that can weigh you down, it can paralyze you without you even noticing it. Fear can start so small, but can grow to be such a big problem. Being scared of something can so quickly take over your mind until you actually begin to play out situations in your mind to how your fear is going to play out. You actually start to believe that your fear might possibly happen; then once you let your mind get to that point, your fear can begin to paralyze you.

We're doing a series right now in church on fear and faith. It's funny how God uses other people to speak to you, to show you where you fall short and where you need to improve in your relationship with Him.

I've been dealing with fear for probably my whole life. I'm a worrier by nature. When I was younger I was terrified by public speaking. If I was made to do it, I would worry so much before hand to the point of making myself physically sick. Then there's the standard fears, spiders, heights etc. but as I grew older those fears turned to things such as rejection, fear of losing the ones I love, fear of never finding someone who would love me and choose to marry me, fear that if I did find that person as history had played out they too would leave me. And the biggest one of all fear of death.

I know right now this all may sound a little "woe is me" but I promise, there's hope and ill get to that :)

I hadn't begun to realize how paralyzing the things I feared had become in my life until this winter. I hate winter driving. The snow, the ice, the amount of car accidents that happen. It's just scary stuff! This winter there was even some fatal car accidents of people I knew. Michael and I were heading going to head to BC for Christmas, and we were going to drive. For weeks before we left I found myself terrified of driving through the mountains. I would catch myself praying for safety, and constantly checking the weather to see what it was going to be like. It even got to the point where I was actual willing to give up my right to ever get in a car again. I was scared of what I thought would happen. I was paralyzed in a way.

Then God began to show me something so simple, yet so complex: he's in control!

Wow.

I had become so scared of death, so scared of losing the ones I loved that I started to believe and play out situations of how that would actually happen. I was acting as though I knew the future. My view of who God was so small. The fact of the matter is, that's he is God. He is good, in every situation! I have to believe that he cares for me and that he loves me. I have to believe that when life is good. And when life is hard.

In the bible God is constantly reminding us to not fear! Even in situations where it clearly looked like there was no earthly hope, he would remind his people to not fear for he knew what he was doing. And even despite turmoil and despair and suffering it always brought about something good.

When I started to realize that despite the circumstances of life despite the outcome of some things, God is good, it changed everything. Life is a gift, a beautiful gift! I serve a God who is trustworthy! He holds the future in His hands. I think of Job, a man who was stricken my sickness and suffering that eventually it brought him to question who God was and the right that he had to bring pain to Job's life. You see him standing before God cursing him for what he has done, and he goes on and on and on while God is just there listening. Then all of a sudden God replies: who are you to question me like that? Did you make the stars, did you breathe life into man? (Obviously this is very loose paraphrase so you should probably go read it for yourself) Then Job all of a sudden gets the right view of God! He is in control, and we have no right to question what the creator of this universe is doing! He is good, in all situations!

I can say this because I have hope. I know where I am going when my time on this earth comes to and end. I am going to heaven to live forever with my Heavenly Father! That is why I have no reason to fear death, to fear the unknown. I have faith in the one who has created this world, who has given me life, and who has saved me from my sin! Who's death has brought me salvation, and who's life has brought me hope of a future spent with Him.

I have no reason to fear. You have no reason to fear.

Have faith.